you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
