I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
