im six kinds of drunk right now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
