If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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