Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
