They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
