I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
