I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize