you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
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