It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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