A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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