you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize