Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
