Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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