so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
