I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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