I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
