You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize