so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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