the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize