youre lurking in front of me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
