Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
