She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
