your thong is hanging out like whoa
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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