Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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