you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
