he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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