Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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