All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
