How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
