I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just googled if crying burns calories
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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