Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
