I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize