good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
