I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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