she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
