I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
