But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
