i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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