ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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