listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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