I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
