i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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