i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
