imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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