Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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