you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
