I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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