Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize