there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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