I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
