god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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