Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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