I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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