Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize