Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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