I skipped work to stalk him.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
