i don't like sucking hair
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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