You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
