Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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