One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Every concussion has its silver lining
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
