im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
