so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
