yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish my penis had an off switch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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