I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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