I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize