My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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