a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
