are you so shy because you have an std?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
