you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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