tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
