I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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