THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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