shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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