I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
