First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I want a musical about memes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
